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Dear Life,
I have been into squandering my time lately. [At least I cleaned my room.] College is complicated. It's not as exciting as I thought it was going to be. I'm waiting/trying to make it better. I spend half my time agonizing and the other have fucking around, and not in a fun way, in a mind-numbing unproductive way.
I miss feeling comfortable.
I miss feeling special. I think that college is turning me into mush instead of helping me grow.
Maybe I just think everything is not so good because I have a headache. Maybe I should eat something. At least I don't have to wake up as early tomorrow. I haven't done my reading.
College is bringing out all my weaknesses. My mom is involved in a business where she will lose a tremendous amount of money. I'm afraid she's spent the money she put away for my education. I think i'm going to take a walk. Did you know that they tell you not to walk around by yourself at night here? Isn't that rediculous? I think I might just do it anyway.
My roommate isn't home yet. She went to an extra help session for Bio. I want people to come and visit me.
Maybe i'll decorate my room now. It's been a month and I've put up a poster.
Maybe I'll paint my wall. My ' key doesnt <-- always work and its annoying.
Geese, my head hurts. I already took excedrin. my body can be so rediculous. I've been being so good.
I think the fact that I don't have AIM on my computer makes everything a little more silly.
I'm going to Powell House in November. (I think). It will be so relaxing.
Any scraps of help from you college people out there???? Or you confident not college people???
My life was a lot more wonderful before. I feel a little pathetic.

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It's growing pains baby. And there's nothing life can do to you that you can't make better.

"make better" a.k.a. dye hair purple. btw, the cleaning woman had the whole hall smelling of bleach today. i felt so bad!

yea, i'm sure the transition is mostly uncomfortable and confusing and lonely but give it some more time to shift & expand. when you are in pointless mind-numbing situations, get out of them and go do something solitary that you really enjoy...make a zine with your copy code (oh man, i hope you have kind of makes college awesome), drink tea and sit in the sun, go on a long walk, etc., etc. agonizing over work is inevitable, just try to keep with the pace of the assignments & have conversations with friends about your ideas for papers. try to make yr room at school as comfortable and interesting as possible. feeling like mush really is part of growth!!!!
xoxo loveeee and luck

i talked about you today, to the girl i said looked like you. last night i died my hair purpley and she said it wouldnt work with someone with lighter hair, but you did it!
i think i might sleep. and i have a very busy all is well.
how are you, love?

hey you! i miss our stat parties :P i am going through the whole app process these days and i remember reading your essay which was cool. this process is so STRESSFUL. mostly i know im going to go somewhere and it will be ok if not perfect but really i just think it would be lame to not get in somewhere bc u didnt check the right stupid box or something.


i'm thinking of you. tomorrow when you wake up, just be determined to make it a better day. :]

oh yes, and read some poetry. it's good for the soul.

i don't think you are going to have problems with not checking the right box.
shauna can to visit today and said that you guys are doing titanic!
wow, how silly!
hows life? and where are you applying?

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