check me out

B log
i'm getting ready to check out of this livejournal space. i feel like it doesn't represent me anymore, ya know? like i'm not quite hip to this jive.
i can't remember why i started it in the first place, but i think it was for people to read, which not many folks are doing at this point.
so i might start a blog? once again, its because that's what people i think are cool are doing and i enjoy reading theirs.
maybe? yes? no?

(no subject)
i'm going on a ten day silent meditation retreat! its so exciting! i am a bit scared!
leave me comments and i'll get them when i get back! like a time machine!

Tired -- Langston Hughes
I am so tired of waiting.
Aren't you,
For the world to become good
And beautiful and kind?
Let us take a knife
And cut the world in two --
And see what worms are eating
At the rind.

(no subject)
each cell pulsing, aching and releasing
gravity pressing
weight of me draping over these only bones
my only heart pumping with seen and unseen life
clothes encasing me in a thin envelope of soft protection
like my heart's dreams buffering me from the loss
and connecting me to the hope
if i close my eyes i simply disappear
this is the one


when the sun shines, it warms
when it rains, it wets
this is all you need to understand
to know the wisdom of the world

(no subject)
i do a couple of things that i wish i didn't:
deprive myself of water
stay up late
look at people's facebook profiles that i need to spend more time letting go of

i think those are the major ones.

my trip to dc was hella stressful and made me miss my family. now i am home and i want to go on a vacation, which is where silver bay comes in.   (vinny, you wanna tell me what yr plans are?)

my mood swings stress me out, but i am starting to accept the fact that i am not, and won't ever be, in total control of my emotions. this is a ___ step.



ps. this is not for any of you / this is for all of you

memories of you haunt me like the songs you'd play me/ echoes of our hopes and ideas cascade caress me with the breeze/ i know that you have other things and people to think about but i wonder sometimes/ do you think about me?

i hope you remember our dreams and plans and wishes and promises/ although with time it becomes clearer and clearer that i have more and more to let go/ but i might just hold onto this thought/ that you too, lie under the sky and wonder if i am thinking of you

Hope everyone is doing alright.
I cannot stand this administration.
or my procrastination.

(no subject)
photography has never been my thing.

(no subject)
My room smells like rubber from my wonderful new rainboots, but it still smells like rubber. I'm so excited about going home, not as excited as earlier, but still. Many things today are very whatever. It is very late and I have to wake up in six hours. I think I will take a nap and a shower during kunch tomorrow and skip class. This is college I should be able to skip class without feeling guilty. Then I can have a long lunch later. I love long foodings!
I am proud of myself for having a good time tonight and also being productive. I chose to miss Grey's Anatomy and work on my Jewish paper instead. Go me! I am looking forward to seeing Maya tomorrow and my sister and stuff. I hope Pat can help me with my Jewish paper because I really need it.
I wonder what I am going to do ver break. In order to make it more relaxing I am trying not to plan as much as usual. When I get back to college I hope that some of the drama might have cooled down a little bit.
I don't know if this is because I am attracted to almost everyone or what, but most times when I am talking with someone about something serious I feel like there is some kind of attracting going on. It is very ennerving and makes me blush (in my head).
I wish that I could start sentances with a word other than 'I' but it doesn't seem to work most of the time.
I have started wearing my rainbowish striped scarf, little does everyone else know that I will be wearing it until May.
I need a shower. That is all I have to say.

(no subject)
Reading the friends page from the wesleyan community is so interesting. The entries are written by people that I see everyday, some that I know and some that I don't.
I think I am committed to doing shitty work. When I have one assignment I wait until the last fucking minute to do it. The same when I have a million assignments. What is wrong with me?
I am so looking forward to going home this weekend and being in the moment and forgetting about everything that is going on here. and reflecting. I've called Susan a couple times and she doesn't pick up.
I am proud of myself and the life that I am creating here. I think I am off to a good start. Just look at all the Facebook friends I have! I really have to cut that out.
I'm sorry to my Secret McSecret for responding so late. and I miss Powell House.
The End.


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